Short Story: Unedited or corrected: The Kidnapper

I wrote this for my short story class earlier last year. I wanted to write a romance, but my teacher wanted me to explore outside of my comfort zone and I remember this creepy story I had started back in 2011, but it never left the notebook and I certainly never completed it. (Lol) So, here it is today the version I submitted. One day, I’ll go back and do some writing on it. It just depends. It needs work, and I’ll get to it one of these days.

Taneisha LaGrant


January 14, 2017

The Kidnapper, Draft Two

Thirty days had passed since Jason’s arrival into the small town of Erwin, North Carolina. The drive up had been peaceful and quiet. If it hadn’t been for the engine light, he would have kept driving until he reached Fayetteville, North Carolina. It was a peaceful town, surrounded by trees and dirt roads. Nothing could compare to the fresh air and the girls.

Jason decided to get a job at the local coffee shop and get a room at the local hotel. He had seen the girls come in dressed one way and leave, dressed another way. Jason watched them as they walked in and out of the bathrooms, from one outfit to the next for several weeks before finding his marks. His mother had told him, all the slutty girls deserved to be punished. He hadn’t been allowed to have a normal childhood like the other kids he saw when he and his mother went to town. Now at thirty-two years old, the screams of his mother still haunted him, hunt them down and bring them to me. She’d beat it into his head so much that he never wanted to be in a relationship with a woman. His mother only saw his dating choices as girls to be taken out to the cabin and punished.

It was a small cabin from the outside but it was fully stocked with girls he’d taken over the years, the ones that hadn’t been killed off anyway. They were being reprogrammed to be good little girls, as would the two beautiful girls from the cheerleading team. They pranced around the coffee shop in their short shorts and halter tops. It was a sight his mother would surely see as despicable just as she had with Aliza, Jason’s older sister.

Jason had been watching them come in and out of the coffee shop for the last week. Those two girls were best friends, and they weren’t like the others. They had spunk, and they both had their own attributes that made them desirable candidates. One was petite with long dirty blonde hair, her name was Carol. The other, was a honey chestnut complexion with hazel eyes and everyone called her Tabby. Her name was Tabitha and although she frowned up her nose at the nickname Tabby, she always answered. The other girls had been loners and easy targets.

He wanted something different and more exciting. I think mother would be proud of my selection or call me an overachiever.  It didn’t matter in that moment as It was the challenge he’d waited on his whole life. One girl was easy, but two. The last time he attempted two, one got away. If it hadn’t been for his ski mask, he would have been caught. He hadn’t returned to Erwin since and had no intentions of staying there long but it was easy to see which girls had constant supervision, and the ones who lacked in that department. Now it was time for him to collect on his debt and tried to make peace of the situation from his early years as a teenager.

People in the city no longer cared to leave their doors unlocked but small towns still had a sense of security. They felt safe away from the big scary city folk. He had most certainly finally found the prettiest gals in the South, Carol and Tabitha. Their parents would be lucky if they saw them again once he left town.

Bingo, he thought to himself as he watched the girls grab their bags and leave the coffee shop. His shift was over and he could follow them to see if they would head straight home.


Back at the hotel, Jason popped open a cold beer and turned on the tv. Pulling out his map of the town, he surveyed it. He had two weeks left before he needed to be out of Erwin and back at the cabin. He knew it was wrong to take the girls and only took the bad ones; the girls who believed it was okay to sneak boys in after their parents went to work or the girls who dressed provocatively. Those are the girls that deserved to be punished. His mother would say over and over. He had grown to believe it.

This was different because Carol reminded him a lot of Aliza. It was his sister’s death that had led to all of this in the first place. All Aliza had to do was keep her mouth closed about their father’s death and the fire, maybe she’d still be alive. This wasn’t a revenge taking. It was final call and Jason would be free. Carol was perfect, in the sense that her facial features and size were just right. Maybe enough to cause his mother to have a heart attack in thinking that she was seeing Aliza’s ghost.

Jason dozed off thinking about his plans to get the girls into his car and out of Erwin.


He stood frozen, watching the scene unfold. His sister had a silver knife in her hand prepared for her mother’s retribution. Nothing came. She stood there with a belt in her hand as a smile widened across her face. “Jason, my sweet boy, come over here next to mama.” Jason woke up dripping in sweat. He had frequent dreams about the night his sister was killed. It may have been guilt or the desire for freedom but he couldn’t decide which one got the best of him. He had hidden behind Aliza for as long as he could remember. She had been his protector. Jason reached out for the remote as he tried to shut off the replaying loop. The clock had read two o’clock. It was still too early. The darkness consumed him as he placed the covers over his head and closed his eyes once more.


Jason walked over to his mother from behind his sister’s protective shield. She would do anything for him and yet their mother often spoke ill of her.

“Jason, your sister deserves to be punished for her sins against God. She doesn’t deserve to live. I want you to push her down the stairs and help me drag her body out.”

Time froze. He couldn’t focus. Had his mother asked him to kill his sister? The images kept replaying in his head. No matter how much he tried to erase them, his sisters ghost haunted him. He was beyond saving, just as their father had been when he married their mother.


“Hello Mother, what can I do for you?” asked Jason flipping to the sports channel on the television of the motel room. She always wants something.
“Have you found the next one? This one from last time was working my nerves, so I buried out back with the others.”
It always had to come to this. An endless supply of girls and none of them would bring Aliza back. What was the point of this? The years passed Jason by and as he got older, feelings of contempt towards his mother grew. She would never move on from her holier than though attitude.

Somehow, he knew it would come to this. He knew that his debt would never be paid and his mother would continue to use his guilty conscious against him. His mother had anger issues for as long as he could remember. “Yeah Mama. I found you two beautiful girls out here in Erwin. It’s a small town, you’d really love the people here,” he said sarcastically. He knew his mother was a recluse, afraid of getting tainted with any of the sick people in the world. “They will tell you whatever you want to know about everyone. These two girls are inseparable and their parents are often out late working. The girls come into the coffee shop almost every day and their parents swing by on their way home from work.”
“I think two girls would be too much. Don’t forget what happened last time you attempted that. Wasn’t that in Erwin too? I mean you brought me one girl before. Just stick to the plan. Catch one and bring her to me,” came the monotone voice from the receiver.
“Look, I got this. You just sit tight and I’ll be there in a few days. I’ve got a plan.” He placed the phone back on the receiver and turned up the volume on the television. Getting caught after all these years was not in the plan. Neither was being a slave to her commands for the rest of his life or going from motel to motel and working jobs that barely paid anything.  Jason wanted a little bit of freedom. Two hours to the cabin once the girls were in his custody and he’d be free. Carol could be the doppelganger of Aliza. It was the perfect homecoming.


Golden rays filled the trailer through the shades. Jason prepared his duffle bag with all of the needed accessories for the kidnapping; rope, tape, a mask and the rags to cover their faces and put them to sleep. Nothing was going to go wrong. He’d overhead both girls talk about going to the movies at the coffee shop. It was the perfect place. The theatre had four exits and movie areas. He parked his car in the back of the theatre, near the trees and walked around to purchase his ticket.

‘Yeah, I hear Michelle is into Damon,” said Tabitha.

“She can have him. He was a jerk anyway,” said Carol.

“Hey, isn’t that the cute guy that works at Starbucks?” asked Tabitha.

“Yeah, maybe he can give us a ride home after the movie. Then we don’t have to walk. You don’t think he would mind, do you?” Carol asked, glaring a mischievous look towards Tabitha. She knew that if she spoke loud enough, he might speak.

“Well, I’m standing right here,” he said in his best prince charming voice. “It’s no trouble at all since we all, and my name is Carl. My car is parked around the back.”

It didn’t matter to give them a fake name, because even if they did manage to escape, no one knew who Carl was or Jason. He kept to himself and went from work to home or out for the needed groceries. It was never a good idea to give the locals too much information when moving from city to city was important. Besides, it was no point putting other people in danger when his mother was mentally unstable.

He looked down at his watch. He’d taken it from his father’s possessions in his mother’s attic before the house fire. It was the only thing he had left of any trace of him or his sister, who took it first.

Showtime, he thought as the girls grabbed front row seats in an empty theater. He had spotted one cleaner and two girls working the front entrance. It was a Thursday afternoon and a slow day. Everyone else in the town had chosen to go to the ball game which had given him a thirty minute head start should anyone spot anything off. Tabitha was fast asleep thirty minutes into the movie as her head was on Carol’s shoulder.

“Can you watch her, I’m going to go get some more punch?” asked Carol as she made her way back to where he was sitting after leaning Tabitha’s head on the side of the chair.

“Sure, no problem.”

The exit door was about a minute away. As soon as the door closed, Jason pulled the rag from his pocket and a small bottle of isoflurane to ensure that Tabitha wouldn’t wake up. He could make it to his car and back before Tabitha would notice anything but it was too risky. Jason attempted to wake Tabitha to see if the inhalant had worked. She was still sleeping like a baby. He leaned back in his seat as he saw the light creep into the room.

“I bought you a drink. I hope you don’t mind coke,” she said with her hand stretched out towards him.

“Thank you. That’s very kind of you.” said Jason.

“Are you always so quiet?”

“Yeah, I like movies.”

“Is something wrong? You’re going to take us home right?” asked Carol.

“Yeah, I’ll give you a lift. You ask a lot of questions. Do you always ask a lot of questions?” He didn’t give her a chance to answer as she slid back into her seat, he pulled out the rag once more and held it on her face until she no longer moved. The scars on his arms burned where she scratched him but she’d be the first to go to the car. Jason walked through the dark theater and checked the exit door to make sure no one was watching or near his car. Walking towards the car with Carol in his arms, he thought he saw someone watching but there was no one there. He went back for Tabitha and placed her in the back seat next to Carol. As he cranked up his car, a dark shadow moved from behind the trees where he thought he’d seen someone the first time. He drove off and got onto the highway, careful not to take off the mask he had put on before taking Carol out to the car.

He passed trees for miles before finally turning on the dirt road that led to the cabin. There was a car behind him. He couldn’t see a face in the dark but he was certain it was the same person that had spotted him as he was leaving the movies. Jason pulled the car over to let the person pass but they pulled over too and proceeded to get out of the car. He saw a gun pointed towards the window. As the guy got closer, he pushed the door open so the gun would fall to the ground.

With flared nostrils, he charged at Jason until both of them fell into the ditch near the car.

The guy put Jason in a headlock, repeatedly punching him in the face, until his breathing began to slow down. “What do you want with my daughter? I know you’ve been following her.”

“I’m following orders. I just want to be free. I was taking her to my mother. You’ll find her in the cabin up the street.”

The man let go after and began climbing up. “Is she dead? Why isn’t she waking up?”

“It’s just an anesthesia that was used to put her to sleep. She’ll wake up in a few hours.”

“Yeah, but you won’t. Goodbye Jason,” said the man as he shot off three rounds into his chest.

Jason couldn’t move. He watched as the darkness consumed him. He was finally free.

The End

Thanks for reading.


The original snippet from my notebook.

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